I Miss My Grandma

I miss my grandma,

She was a force of love, energy, frustration, and constant curiosity in my life. As her grandson, it’s kind of hard to see her as anything other than a grandmother. When we were going through old photographs, I couldn’t believe that it was a middle aged woman with me in her arms; she was never that young!

When we spoke on the phone, she would ask me the most detailed questions about my life. When I was younger, I found these follow-up questions maddening. The point is that I’m in an ethics class—not what time that ethics class starts each morning; how on earth is that relevant to your life or our relationship?

She kept notes on these small things from friends, family, and customers—books people were reading, where they were working, places they were visiting. When she passed, I found myself dwelling on this minutia—picturing the thousands of people across the world sipping coffee out of one of her mugs the next morning—where they were living, what they were reading, what time their ethics class was that morning.

I’m trying to hold onto some of those details now. Memories change over time, and so do the details, if you don’t write them down. I remember going to her house at Pleasant Grove and losing myself in the dark forest of bamboo in front of the house. Drinking rootbeer and watching Nature after dinner.

I remember the first time I got drunk, which was with her after she convinced mom to open the second bottle of wine she brought back from France after the three of us had finished the first. It was terrible wine. I remember having a slumber party in the living room when she, mom, and Byron visited my tiny New York apartment last year; she and I each got a six foot section of my couch and stayed up reading. And I remember talking on the phone with her this spring about her favorite restaurant in Panama—we spent a lot of time on the details of the sauce.

My memories of her life are exclusively of her as a grandmother. As a sweet, caring, benevolent force in my life. I know that each of you has your own relationship and memories of her. Think about those details and share them if you can. I really miss her, and I’m so glad she was a presence in my life.